Heaven?

I was watching an episode of Supernatural where Sam and Dean were killed and were sent to Heaven. In this episode Heaven was a place where everyone had their own personal “universe” were they relived their happiest moments. So this got me to thinking about what my Heaven would be like, if Heaven were as Sam and Dean experienced. **Disclaimer: This post really isn’t about what the Afterlife is or isn’t, whether it exists or not.

1. One of my first thoughts was of Big Pine Lake. My family and I first started going up there when I was in 3rd grade. We continued to go up there well into my 20s. Nothing on this earth has ever been as relaxing as fishing for walleye out in my Dad’s boat. The sun warming my head and the gentle rocking of the boat always brought me true peace. My Dad was never a man of many words, but this, this was our thing. As a kid I used to walk the trails with the resort’s dog, Buster, spend my quarters on video games that I was never any good at and see how high I could swing. When I was older a childhood friend and I would often take off in the row boat for hours fishing for sunnies and bass in “the corner”. I’d spend my quarters on video games I still wasn’t any good at and I would see how high I could swing.
2. Then there are the moments I had with my sisters. My sisters and I have always been extremely close. I think that had a lot to do with how often we moved as kids. We were like each other’s built-in friends, because being the new kid sucks. Some of my happy memories surrounding my sisters involve that big hill at our house in Sioux City. We used to tear down that hill on our sleds each winter, like supersonic maniacs. There were the times we would ride up to Big Pine in the back of Dad’s truck. Man, that thing was decked out! Dad had built two large benches that served as beds and there was a table. For hours we would play Mad Libs or read Choose Your Own Adventure books. We’d sing obnoxiously loud. Looking back it was totally unsafe, but it was totally fun.
3. I pretty much hated the entirety of High School. It seemed like my own personal Hell with the kind of bullying that you see on After School Specials. Being introverted and shy like I was back then certainly didn’t help matters. I did have some close friends and we would spend Friday nights cruising down Oxford and around the lake talking about boys and listening to 80s Hair Metal. Those were good times.
4. While I would never want to revisit high school, my college years were much different. I could probably choose any number of places and events during those years, but one place stands out above all. There was this little house out in the country that a friend owned. While I was almost always exhausted from a lack of sleep my time there was one of the most memorable and happiest times of my life. Some of my most profound friendships “live” in my memory there. Playing pool, watching movies, playing video games I wasn’t always so good at, sitting on the hood of a car holding hands, secret confessions, lessons learned and late night (or was it early morning?) runs to for food. While we’ve all gone different directions in life, I am forever grateful I had these people in my life.
5. The night at Happy Chef a dear friend sang the lines “She don’t got a lot to say, but there’s something about her” from The Little Mermaid’s Kiss the Girl to me. This moment was nothing of the romantic sort, but it’s one I never want to forget. He was feeling down due to a girl and needed cheering up. Much fun and hilarity was had that night and I think I laughed so hard that my stomach muscles ached the next day.
6. Wrigley Field. Because baseball.
7. There was this one Halloween were two of my girl friends and I dressed up and went out dancing while the guys we were with hung out at the bar. After we decided to go back and build a bonfire in the cow pasture which was empty except for the cow leavings. We spent our time singing songs, speaking Lakota, talking of owls, the aurora borealis and I dreamt of possibilities that I had never thought of before. I remember wishing this night would never end.
8. One memorable place would have to be a Caroline’s Spine (Mad Verb, MWK, Phil Marshall…) show. Besides my days out at the little house in my college days following around this band was another one of those happy times of my life. I made great friends, from all walks of life, saw places I’d never thought to visit and all in all it was a wonderful crazy adventure. I could not pin point an exact show as there are just to many and they are all jumbled in my head. Perhaps one would be my 31st birthday weekend? A surprise birthday cake backstage and everyone singing to me has to be one of my favorite birthday memories ever. Oh, and the plaid pants. Introverting in my hotel room and a certain drummer talking books with me? Or maybe it would be all of us walking State Street looking for pizza and a place to hang out? Possibly the night that Seven and I met for the first time? That was a fun night.
9. While this next one is not entirely a happy moment in my life as I was being let go from my teaching position due to budgetary reasons, it is a defining moment of my life. I had just told one of my 4th grade sections that I would not be returning as their art teacher the following year. I was sad, they were sad and there were lots of sniffles. One boy raised his hand so I called on him. “Ms. __, can I have a hug?” he asked. I only managed a nod. In seconds I was mobbed by 25 4th graders in a group hug. I’m not going to lie. I cried, but never have I ever felt so loved. I knew that I’d made a difference in these kids lives and though teaching isn’t easy, it was what I was meant to do.
10. Sitting with my new friend under the stars, feeding the fire, long after everyone else went indoors. He and I sat talking of everything. Our dreams, of where we wanted to go and what we had to do yet. Our place in the great cosmos. Our art. Very rarely do we make that kind of personal connection with another human being and yet here was one of those moments, unexpected.
11. Lastly and by no means least, there is my daughter. My feisty little love. Her first steps. Her first words. Making her giggle. The pure joy in her face when she was little and I handed her that yellow blanket with butterflies. I knew it must be something special to her because she just wiggled with delight. Somedays the pre-teen drama gets to me, but never in a million, trillion years will she cease to be my little peanut and my favorite person on this earth.