“You shouldn’t worry about college for your daughter,” Mrs. Fullmer, my first grade teacher commented to my Mom. “She’s probably not going to graduate from high school because she’s never going to learn to read.” Mrs. Fullmer didn’t say what she said to be mean or cruel, but it was what she perceived to be the truth. She was concerned about me and my future, and students with the issues I was presenting didn’t succeed in her experience. Mom didn’t tell me what my teacher said about me until many years later, yet even back then I knew I was struggling to keep up with my peers. I couldn’t read, the letters kept flipping around, b’s were d’s and what direction did “L” go again? I was frickin’ stupid, I thought.
I’ve decided to write about my experience with learning disabilities because my journey is worth sharing. Despite all the set backs and road blocks I’ve become a fairly successful adult. I can read, I graduated from high school AND college (4 times to be exact). As I teacher I have not shied away from sharing my story with students and parents who’ve needed to hear it, and while I’ve never made a secret of it, I don’t think I’ve actually shared with very many people. Probably because there are so many misconceptions about learning disabilities and I didn’t want to deal with them.
As a student that was struggling in school I was tested by the school to see if I would qualify for special ed. It can be a long process. Eventually I qualified in 3rd grade. I was diagnosed with dyslexia, obviously, dysgraphia and dyscalculia. All types of specific learning disabilities. So what are specific learning disabilities? It is a condition where the brain has difficulties comprehending or processing information. In short, the the does not “learn” in a typical manner, just differently. There are many more kinds of learning disabilities than the ones that I was diagnosed. Most people are aware of what dyslexia is as it is quite common. Letters, words and even numbers can be reversed, flipped or jumbled. Dyscalculia concerns math and the difficulties learning and/or comprehending mathematical concepts. Less well known is dysgraphia which affects a person’s writing. It can cause difficulties with poor handwriting, spelling and trouble putting thoughts to paper. For me, it was spelling and poor handwriting, which to this day is awful, but is much improved from what it used to be.
I received services through 9th grade. Usually the the subjects that I struggled in where replaced, meaning I would go to the special ed room and have lessons separate from my classmates. I worked with students who were at my academic level, not grade level. It was comfortable and I didn’t feel as stupid as felt in the general classroom. Testing would happen every couple years or so to see if I still qualified. I was tested at the beginning on 7th grade and my reading level was at a 4th grade level. There was an issue where my IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) was not complied, so I had to be retested again, 6 months later. My reading level had jumped up to college level. This was amazing! What happened?
It could have been any number of things. Or maybe all of them. My mom has always said that I’m one of the most resilient and courageous people she has ever known. Not much keeps me down. Also, I wanted to read. Badly. My life’s goal at the age of 9 was to read all of the Black Stallion books by Walter Farley. (Which I did achieve 4 years later). Mom took us to the public library weekly. She talked to the Children’s Liberian, who spent countless hours helping me find books. I had some wonderful teachers who believed in me and taught me that I could do anything I wanted. Mrs. Knoll, Mrs. Hennessey and Mrs. Brown taught me the skills and tools I needed to work around my non-typical brain. I had weekly therapy appointments at Easter Seals. There was a theory that my learning difficulties were connected to my inner ear. You see, I never, ever got dizzy, until one day during my therapy I got so dizzy I felt like I was going to puke.
I was phased out of special ed at the end of 9th grade. I probably didn’t need it anymore, but the particular school district we lived in at the time did not do me any favors by pushing me out of the program at that time. In 9th grade my classmates had all learned Algebra. I had not. The high school (10th-12th grades) did not offer Algebra, so I there I was with no way to advance in math. I did well enough in high school, took some college prep classes despite school counselors thinking I wasn’t capable. However, the lack of math would come back to haunt me.
While I knew from a young age that I was going to be an artist, the idea of being a teacher did not occur to me until I was a senior in high school. Even then, I didn’t pursue a teaching degree until my 2nd BA degree. In my state in order to become a teacher you had to pass a test called the PPST. The PPST had thee sections: writing, reading and math. I wasn’t worried about the reading or writing aspects of the test, but the math portion included Algebra, which as you recall I didn’t have any knowledge of. So back to the community college I went for a quarter, took a watercolor class for fun and audited an introductory Algebra class. Initially I was a bit afraid of the class, hence the audit instead of taking it for a grade, but I shouldn’t have been worried. I actually loved it. It was like solving little logic puzzles. Who knew algebra would be fun? My professor did keep track of my grade and I would have received an A. I passed the PPST the first time. Yay me! I still wonder though, if my old school district had given me the chance to continue on in math, what else might I have achieved?
Throughout my years as a teacher I have run across students who have had similar academic struggles. I’ve shared and encouraged when appropriate with my students and their parents. I feel that I have a very unique perspective that can help them. Many have also gone on and achieved their goals in becoming successful, happy people. I can only hope I helped.
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