Tag: art

It’s Who I Am

Last night I found an old article from my high school newspaper where I was interviewed for being Artist of the Month and it got me thinking a bit about my path to becoming an art teacher. It’s more than a job to me. Being an art teacher is a part of my identity

The decision to be an artist was easy. I have a clear memory of myself, age 8, writing a letter to my Grandma that I was going to be an artist when I grew up. While school on the whole was difficult for me I excelled at drawing and all things art related. It was the one thing I was better at than nearly everyone else. More importantly, I loved it. Without question I was going to do something with art, but the “what” didn’t become clear until much later.

Sometime during my senior year in high school the yearbook handed out these questionnaires concerning post graduation plans. I was sitting in Ms. Goddard’s class, my absolute favorite place to be in high school, trying to fill it out. I was drawing a blank about what to put as my major for college. I looked up at Ms. Goddard and thought, “Huh, I wouldn’t mind doing that.” Art Education it was.

I like to think I have the best job in the world, if you take away all the political bullcrap that pollutes education. What other job do you get paid to play around with art supplies and watch kids grow to their potential? The first several years of my career was spent teaching elementary aged students. I loved their energy and unhindered creativity. However, the bulk of my career has been spent teaching Middle and High school age students. I really like this age group and I feel that its where I was meant to be. A lot of fun is to be had in my art room as well as learning (Don’t tell the kids that!). Making art happen and getting to share that newly discovered joy in one of my students is great but the best part of my job is being able to build relationships with my students. Making connections. They know that I am and that my room is a safe place. After 23 years (I think?) of doing this I feel that I’ve reached my stride and that I’m pretty awesome at what I do.

It hasn’t always been so. It is a fairly common practice, though I didn’t know it at the time, that some school districts would hire a teacher for a year or two and no matter how good of a job they did they’d lay the teacher off and hire someone else fresh out of college. It’s a way to keep the salaries low, a bit ethically questionable but it does keep the costs down. This was done to me, at least 4 times in the first 7 years of teaching. It was heartbreaking having to leave the group of students I’d grown to care for time and time again. The worst was when I was cut after teaching for 4 years in the same district. I really was contemplating finding something else to do. It was too much heartbreak and it just seemed wrong to me that a job at Walmart seemed to be more stable than a teaching career.

One night after I had been given my pink slip I went out to a little dive bar with some friends that I didn’t get to see often. It was a lighthearted night for the most part with lots of laughter and easy conversation. My friend, (I’ll call him Matt for the sake of anonymity) asked how’d I been since we last saw each other. Though my intent had been to forget work and the stress of my situation, it all came pouring out about how I really thought I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Matt, possibly the most zen person I’ve ever known, in his infinite wisdom said something to me that I will stick with me till my end of days.

“You know, J., if quitting and finding something else to do is really what you want to do, that’s cool. But you can’t quit being you, because being a teacher, a mentor, that’s what you are. No matter what what job you end up with you are always going to be that person people look too. You’ve got a gift. So if you want to keep with it, that’s cool too.”

And Matt was right. While I didn’t exactly make the decision to keep plugging away at the teaching gig that night, that little nugget of advice ear-wormed its way though my brain. I did eventually apply and I found another position easily. It lasted a year before I was recalled back the previous district. I’ve been in my current district for about 20 years now. The days I feel like giving up are few and far between, but when they do crop up I remember Matt’s advice and realize I’m right where I need to be.

No One Sings Like You Anymore

[Note: Originally posted on December 2, 2018 on Facebook]


I’ve been sitting on this for a few weeks now and I think it’s finished. It is a deeply personal painting for me, at least the journey in creating it was. This is my little tribute to Chris Cornell. It’s hard for me to explain how important a musician I’d never met was to me (staring contests don’t count, right?) From the first time I saw the video Hands All Over on Headbanger’s Ball in Cathy’s parent’s basement Chris Cornell and his various projects (Audioslave, Soundgarden, soundtracks and his solo career) have made an enormous impact on my life. He was an absolutely brilliant lyricist and made music that was profound that spoke to me and many others. (Do yourself a favor and listen to Just Like Suicide and dig up the story behind it). Yes, he was The Voice of a Generation, a leader of the Grunge Movement out of Seattle, but for those of us who’ve followed his career know just what a versatile artist he was.

And oh, the memories. I can hear a certain song and it brings back friends long gone, or just a moment of my life. His music has even helped me through some tough times in my life. Chris was a captivating frontman as well. I only got to see Soundgarden once, but that show still beats out almost all other bands I’ve seen.

I woke up early on May 18th to my friend Shelly’s text about his passing. It was a gut punch that I just couldn’t deal with at the time. (Some of you know that we’ve been going through some very difficult times, and continue to cope with. I will tell you I was in a pretty dark place last Spring). I was crying and breaking down over, well, everything. I’m sure if I even heard Big Dumb Sex I’d be sobbing.

It’s taken me awhile, but earlier this fall at a workday at school I decided that I actually wanted to listen to some Soundgarden. I put on this mix on YouTube and proceeded to clean out all those old books and magazines left in my art room from the previous teacher. I was actually bopping around, singing and overall enjoying myself, until one of Chris’ solo songs came on. It was When I’m Down, recorded live at the Troubadour, and just Chris and a piano. I just sat there and listened and lost it. It must have been quite the sight, me sitting on the floor surrounded by garbage, sobbing. I cried for Chris, for his kids, all the people who must have loved him. I cried for my family and most of all I cried for me. It was after that that this idea came to me, that I would do something.

Since starting this painting I’ve begun sketching again, for myself. (Sadly most of the art I have been doing the past few years has all been school related). It’s like the floodgates have been opened. I’ve got ideas for half a dozen paintings now. I’ve also been listening to music I enjoy, not just the the Pop music my daughter wants. I’ve even gone looking for new music. Needless to say this painting has brought on a healing process for me. Thank you Chris.