The Third Five of Twenty-Five

It‘s Oh So Quiet – Björk

I bought this CD the day my friend Chrismas and I went up to The First Avenue in Minneapolis on our “friend date” to see a different artist perform. I have warm memories of eating gyros, browsing through boho shops and Chris starting pool games with good looking guys so I would be forced into conversation with them and I associate this CD with them. I think we listened to this song at least 10 times on the way home.

I love how this song starts off little and quiet, then suddenly its big, exuberant and loud. In someways that feels much like my personality or at least what I think others perceive it to be.

Roadhouse Blues – The Doors

One of the stories about Jim Morrison was that he loved to jam to the Blues when he was drunk and make up the words up as they went. Roadhouse Blues is one of these songs. Jim Morrison died when I was a mere 7 months old so I never got to experience what he and The Doors were all about, though if I had been I think I would have been all about The Doors.

For me, this is the ultimate Doors song. It reminds me of a hot summer day, long road trips with the window down.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDb8v706Tq0

Mystery – Indigo Girls

“Why do you spend this time with me?” is the million dollar question isn’t it?

Word for word this song pretty much sums up one of my first major romantic relationships. For better or worse what happened back then has remained with me to this day. It is what it is.

When I’m Down – Chris Cornell

We love the most when we are at our worst.

Like Soundgarden I could have chosen any number of his songs, but this one is special to me. I have spoken about the turmoil I was in last year due to my Dad’s illness and to an extent the loss of Chris Cornell and how it was this song that made me feel like it was ok to grieve for my losses.

It was this particular version of the song that moved me so. Chris’ vocals are something else here. Not only could he wail like a 4 octave rock god, but he could really could sing a song like this, beautifully.

I Wanna Be Sedated – The Ramones

I like the Ramones. I’m not quite sure where or how I first heard them but it was before I discovered Hair Metal in my teens. I could have chosen any number of songs from the Ramones, but I opted to go with one of their well known songs. Maybe it’s the video? Who knows? I just like them.

The Second Five of Twenty-five

I meant to finish these up in rapid order but I must apologize, I got sucked down the Kindle Unlimited vortex. It might have been 5 book in as little as 3 days. Oh well, what’s a girl to do?

Sabotage – The Beastie Boys

This song, at least for me, is an era defining song, a middle-finger deliverance to authority that many of us in Generation X felt. The video was nothing sort of brilliant and deserved the constant play it got on Mtv. Of course the actual inspiration of the song has nothing to do with the video. In my research it was written about a sound engineer they were annoyed with, which in a way, still seems to be an anti-authority message.

While i wasn’t exactly out there screaming at cops or getting in arguments with my parents or punching teachers, I don’t like to be told what to do. Pig-headedly I’ll often do the exact opposite of what I’m told or what I know I should do.

Thunder Kiss ’65 – White Zombie

I have no clue what this song is about. I’m not convinced it’s really about anything at all. I can only guess the ’65 is for the year 1965, the year Rob Zombie was born. Other than that it seems like the lyrics are just a bunch of fun but very disconnected phrases that Rob Zombie strung together. I don’t care one bit though. This song has always rocked and Rob Zombie is a freakin’ genius.

If I had another life to live, I’d give it over to music. I’ve always somewhat secretly wanted to learn the bass, play like Sean Yseult and travel the world. I don’t think I ever stop desiring that but I know that’s was never going to happen considering my lack of talent.

Fairweather Friend – To Have Heroes

I first hear this song when the band Midwest Kings opened for Caroline’s Spine in the early 2000’s. MWK hailed from Tulsa, like Spine. At the time a few of the members were still in high school, which given the sophistication of their music floored me. Years later, after member David Cook, appeared and won on American idol, lead singer Andy Skib began working on a new project, To Have Heroes. On the two albums he collaborated with many musician friends. All of the songs were new collaborations except Fairweather Friend. He however rewrote the some of the lyrics.

I think this both versions of this song are about the end of a friendship. The song does not take an angry approach, but rather sad and thoughtful. There are times when I’ve felt like a crappy friend, the fairweather friend. Sometimes I’ve had to pull away for my own sanity and sometimes I was just a big dummy. But like with this song, I am grateful for the time I friendship we shared, even if it was flawed, uneven and ragged.

Hurry Up And Wait – Stereophonics

I don’t know much about the Stereophonics other than they are a UK based band and that the lead singer has a whiskey colored voice that makes me melt. For me, the message of this song is that one must simply find satisfaction in life’s journey. Enjoy the little things in life, not just waiting for the big “important” moments in life to come along.

I Am The Highway – Audioslave

Lyrically I think this might be one of Chris Cornell’s greatest lyrics and that’s saying a lot. The slow mellowness of the song fits the lyrics and even without the words I feel like you could know what this song is about. It has a feeling of being overlooked or mistreated by the people you care about; your friends, your family or significant other. It’s a feeling that the person(s) means much more to you than you do to them.

Pearls of swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for the leaving I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don’t wait for me
I’ll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

As for how this song relates to me and my life I sometimes feel this way when I’m down or I’ve gotten into an argument with a friend, but often there is one person who comes to mind when I hear this song. It was long ago and I’ve mostly left the whole yucky mess behind me there’s no denying that what happened and how it made me feel about myself colored much of my life afterwards.

The First Five of Twenty-Five

If I were to make a post about all 25 of the songs on my Music Footprint list that would be slightly insane. It makes sense to break the list up into groups of 5. These songs aren’t in any specific order.

Drawing Flies – Soundgarden

As you can imagine choosing one single Soundgarden song for me was a difficult decision. I waffled back and forth between several keeping in mind I wanted a song I had a personal connection to rather than it just being a favorite song. I ended up choosing this song because it is something I relate to as an artist. Its’ a song about hitting a creative brick wall, in Chris Cornell’s case it was writer’s block when writing for the album Badmotorfinger. For me this song stuck out from the rest of the material on Badmotorfinger because of it’s upbeat sound and its use of a small horn section. The lyrics are smart, catchy and the antithesis of the cheery music.

Sitting here like uninvited company
Wallowing in my own obscenities
I share a cigarette with negativity
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes and drawing flies

Stupid Boy – The Gear Daddies

The lyrics are very much straightforward. Lead singer Martin Zellar, sings, from the a girl’s point-of-view, about a girl who discovers a little to late that her man isn’t so special. In fact, he’s just another stupid boy like all the others. All I can say is this: So. Many. Times.

I feel sick and i feel used
You ain’t the boy i thought i knew
You go and put me on your shelf
You never think of no one else but yourself

And lord i’m sick and lord i’m tired of love
And lord i can’t believe it’s true
You’d think after five years i would know you but i don’t
And after all this time i come to find
You’re just another stupid boy
You’re just another stupid boy

Wide Eyes – Badflower

I waffled again on which song to choose with Badflower as well. If I could have I probably would have picked Move Me, but this song has never been released officially and it’s only found on YouTube. For me Wide Eyes speaks to me as much as the same as Move me, but it’s more polished and not as blunt. Wide Eyes tells the story of a relationship that meant more to the narrator than the other person involved in the relationship and how it emotionally wrecked the narrator when the other person moves on. I am sure that I am not the only one who has been through a relationship likes this. Thankfully I was able to move on past it, though it took time. I must confess, my favorite part of the song is when lead singer, Josh Katz screams “I’m the rage I’m the bad guy…” I feel that in my bones. *Warning: This song has a bit of language in it that some might find offensive. If that’s you, you don’t have to listen.

Brand New Shine – Soul Asylum

This fun, peppy, Pop-sounding song was a bit of a departure for Soul Asylum and it get’s me bopping every time I hear it. Yes, it’s another song about a relationship, but the spin here is when the relationship is new, everything is wonderful and how perfect that person is from their “old old hat” to their “blown-out shoes”. This feeling is something I certainly feel when I start to get to know someone, not just romantically.

Wallflower – Caroline’s Spine

This list would not be complete without something from Caroline’s Spine. Spine played such a large part of my life for such a long time. Every song brings back a flood of memories of my friends and our adventures. Wallflower is not my favorite song from Spine but admit I really connect to the lyrics. I’m an introvert and I’ve often felt like I was on the outside, watching. In short, a wallflower.

I could have died,
maybe I should have died.
when I saw you walk inside.
and as you shut the door
I put my eyes back on the floor.
when all I really wanted was to look some more.

does a wallflower play,
or does a wallflower stay on his wall?

you see I live alone,
but I’ve made my happy home.
all my furniture is centered around my phone.
I’m waiting for the call,
my imaginary friends and all.
those who would never let me be taken by the fall.

does a wallflower know,
when it’s time he outgrow his wall?
tell me does a wallflower know
when it’s about time he outgrow his wall…
yeah his wall…

time and time and time and time and time and only time has feeling for me.
maybe, maybe father time will feel sorry for me.
I knew, I knew where there was a time, when i knew it all.
why don’t I ever leave my wall?
why don’t I ever leave my wall?
why don’t I ever leave my wall?
…please don’t ever leave my wall, my wall.

you know that siren’s getting louder,
and these people are starting to crowd in on me.
(all I smell and taste is garlic and gunpowder)
’cause I shot the bad guy dead –
but he got me in the head.
oh with the girl of my dreams
she’s mentioning to me how much I’ve bled.

where do the wallflower go,
when their flowers get pulled from this wall?
oh and though she says I’m brave and bold,
she knows a flower cannot hold up a wall.
I can’t hold up this wall any longer…
no any longer
’cause all I have is time and time
and time
my only friend, time and time, please some more time.
I think i’m over, I think I’m over, I think I’m over…

Influential Album Challenge Day 9 – Soundgarden Badmotorfinger

I consider Badmotorfinger and the album I will name for day 10 to be a tie for #1 on my list. I’m not going to even try and pick which one means more to me.

I know I selected Chris Cornell’s retrospective CD for Day 8 yesterday, but for me Badmotorfinger is, and has been one of my favorite CDs for nearly 30 years now and for that reason alone it deserves it own damn spot on my list. In fact I think it is the quintessential Soundgarden album. Yesterday was about Chris Cornell and his legacy, today, is Soundgarden. There were three other guys in the band, Kim Thayil, Matt Cameron and Ben Shepard, each masters of their craft. Take anyone one of them away and you’d not have the Soundgarden we think of.

So much attention has been given to Chris Cornell about his contribution to music, his voice, his lyrics, that it often overshadowed the rest of the band. You know I love me some Chris Cornell, but it is true. For instance, did you know that Room a Thousand Years Wide was written by Matt Cameron and Kim Thayil? And that my favorite song off the CD, Slaves and Bulldozers was a collaboration between bassist and human bean stalk, Ben Shepard and Cornell? (Makes sense, since the bass in this song is f-n’ badass).

I am not a musician and really have a very small grasp of anything technical about music. Apparently, Badmotorfinger is full of unusual time signatures and tunings. I’ve always liked to listen to things that are off the beaten path so to speak. I like the unusual, the odd thing put in place where it shouldn’t be. I like the weird. Music isn’t any different. (For instance, take Johnny Flynn’s type of folk music that features trumpet). It could be one reason I was drawn to Soundgarden in the first place.

The lyrics on this album differ a bit from their previous releases. They are full of imagery. Nothing is quite spelled out and it seems to let the listener discover for themselves just what it might all be about. No typical lyrics from that era of hair metal; no songs about motorcycles, girls and getting trashed. Thinking music you can rock out too.

Lyrics I love:

I’m burning diesel burning dinosaur bones

Its raining ice picks on your steel shore

I’m looking California but feeling Minnesota

The grass is always greener where the dogs are shedding (shitting)

Virgin eyes and dirty looks

I share a cigarette with negativity, Sitting here like wet ashes, With X’s in my eyes and drawing flies. Bathed in perspiration drowned my enemies. Used my inspiration for a guillotine

Badmotorfinger fully deserves to be #1 on my list, simply for the superb musicality from the entire band, the lyrics full of colorful imagery and sheer greatness that was Soundgarden.

Influential Album Challenge Day 8 – Chris Cornell I Am The Highway

Alright, so this is a compilation CD and maybe it’s cheating. But you know what? It’s my list, so there!. At this point, it’s no mystery that the music of Chris Cornell in whatever project he was working on has had a major influence throughout my life. Understandingly, it would just bee to hard for me to pick one or two of his projects and call it good. I figure with this selection of I Am The Highway I can cover everything from Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave and all the great solo works he did.

I became aware of Soundgarden way back in high school. Thanks to the necessary evil MTV and Headbanger’s Ball, this girl from rural Minnesota got to see the videos for Hands All Over and Loud Love. One of the things that impressed me was the voice. How Chris’ voice and Kim’s guitar melded into one other in the opening of Loud Love still impresses me these 30 years later. I purchased Louder Than Love on cassette. When I went away to college and seemed to spend an eternity in the painting studio, this cassette along with Ultramega OK, Flower, Screaming Life/Fopp (which I purchased at a record store/head shop) became my playlist to paint too. (Sidenote: Danzig and German Death Metal that I couldn’t understand a word also were heavily mixed in with Soundgarden). Badmotorfinger was out by this time, but for some reason unknown it didn’t make the cut. Many of my early paintings were created to this odd ball soundtrack I created.

Soundgarden kept me company through the rest of my college career. Badmotorfinger was the soundtrack to my last years at Winona and was the era where I did see Soundgarden live. Superunknown came out during my second stint at college and during one of the best times of my life. My favorite tracks off that CD would have to be My Wave, Fell on Black Days and Just like Suicide. It’s one of those rare CDs that I can listen to from start to end without having the urge to skip songs. I think Chris Cornell was at his best lyrically (for Soundgarden, at least) on this album, though Badmotorfinger is damn close. Down the Upside was also a great album, one I listened to on many roadtrips. I don’t know King Animal very well as I had a young child at the time and time was lacking.

Temple of the Dog was released not too long after Badmotorfinger and that was one cassette I wore out. It was a very different from what I was used to hearing from Soundgarden, but no less impressive. Famously the album was written by Chris Cornell for his friend and roommate, Andy Wood, who had tragically passed away from an overdose. He and members of Pearl Jam recored the album. The lyrics are really personal and in all honesty, as a 21 year old who had never felt loss that deeply, I really didn’t connect with the lyrics until later when I lost some who where close to me. Sadly, I Am The Highway only has 3 songs from Temple of the Dog. There isn’t a song I dislike from this album.

I Am The Highway also has the great Audioslave songs. For me Audioslave was what I listened to when I roadtripped to various shows. It seems fitting to me for some reason.

I think the highlight to I Am The Highway is Chris’ solo career. He could write and play how he wanted without trying to make a Soundgarden or Audioslave sounding song. Chris’ solo career was varied. He dabbled in Pop music (with Timberland), did some sublime covers (Billy Jean, anyone?), soundtrack work for movies like James Bond along with four solid solo albums. Included in this compilation are many songs recorded live as well as 11 previously unreleased songs, the highlight for me being When Bad Does Good. This was released posthumously, and the accompanying video is haunting and so sad. It features Chris’ own son, playing his father as a child. In the video he is delivering newspapers to sights around Seattle that Chris had frequented in his life there. Meanwhile, Chris’ most memorable lyrics are superimposed across the landscape. Heartbreaking.

Other musicians and idols that I have looked up to have passed away, yet not one has affected me quite as much as his passing has. I didn’t know him and yet I miss him.

A Funny Thing Happened in February 1992

Have you ever had a weird run in with someone you admire? Someone famous? Since I shared my Chris Cornell painting yesterday I thought it might be fun to share with you the time I could have met Chris Cornell.

I was just a senior in high school when Louder than Love came out. The first time I saw Hands all Over on Headbanger’s Ball I thought the message in the lyrics was daring for that time and “genre” and just how different their sound was from anything else I had heard. I bought the cassette (I am that old) and listened to it frequently. I got chills everytime that moment came in Loud Love when Chris Cornell’s voice melted perfectly into Kim Thayll’s guitar, when you couldn’t quite tell where one started and the other ended. Badmotorfinger came out when I was in college and I thought it was just brilliant. I wore that stupid cassette out.

I was only lucky enough to see Soundgarden play once. I was It seems so long time ago so I can’t remember the specifics anymore of how and why I decided to go decided to go. I was a Junior in college in a Minnesota college town, too small to host concerts. If you wanted to see anything good it generally involved a road trip to the Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul). I guess I had been talking with some of my old high school friends and they told me about a Skid Row concert that had Soundgarden opening. I thought Skid Row was alright for the kind of band they were but I was really hyped to see Soundgarden. (Louder than Love was highest on my “What I listen to when I paint” playlist. Yeah, I had one before they were even a thing). I convinced two college friends to go. Shelly was my best college bud and Audrey, well, she had the car.

I remember it being an obnoxiously cold and gray day in February, even for Minnesota. I left my leather coat in the car because I didn’t want to take it in the arena and have it smell like “concert”. Admittingly not a very smart move on my part but I was young and had questionable judgment sometimes. Crystal and Linda, my friends from High School, had arranged to meet us near a parking garage that just happened to be at the rear of the arena. The girls had a tall, blond “rock star” looking guy tagging along with them. I guess he was from a local band that they knew and they had run into each other on the way to meet us. He was a talker, quite animated and very pleasant to look at. The girls gathered around him, like bees to honey. I having foolishly left my coat behind and was rapidly turning into an icicle, could have cared less. I was daydreaming of fire and hot chocolate and anything else to keep my mind off the fact I might be dying of frostbite that very moment.

Lost in my thoughts I don’t remember if the bus pulled up or if it was already there. The door opens and I recognized Kim Thayll, lead guitarist of Soundgarden. He briefly looked over at our group and continued walking. Mr. Rock Star and my friends kept chattering away, ignoring each one of the Soundgarden band members as they got off the bus. Chris Cornell, the lead singer, was the last off.

Chris stepped down off the bus and he gave my friends, who were salivating all over the big blond guy, a glance. I was standing off to the side slightly, obviously part of the group, but not involved. (I may or may not have been turning blue at this point) Chris then made eye contact with me. We maintained eye contact long past what was considered normal for a person walking away, as he was. Even as he and the rest of the band walked towards the arena we continued staring at each other like we were gunslingers on opposite sides of the OK Corral shootout. It was oddly tense. Finally he turned and and entered the building. My friend Shelly shoved my shoulder afterwards and whispered “What was the fuck was that?”

To this day I can’t explain exactly what that was. In retrospect I wish I had said something to them, or to Chris. I have heard that Chris Cornell was always very gracious and kind to his fans, perhaps reserved, but never a dick.

Audrey, Shelly and I had seats in the very back of the arena, like the very last row. Roy Wilkins Auditorium is a pretty small arena compared to the newer Xcel Energy Center that is just down the street now. Soundgarden’s set was incredible, but way too short. The set list was a good mixture of older stuff with the majority of the songs from Badmotorfinger. The crowd was very receptive and to be expected, the roar was deafening when Chris sang one of his greatest lyrics, you know the one “I’m looking California but feeling Minnesota”. It really was one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen. I was hoarse before the end of their set. Afterwards, we loaded ourselves up back into the car and drove home. We got back to Winona at some ungodly hour.

I wish I could have seen them again but I never really kept track of tour dates very well, so unless a band had a show within a short drive from where I was living, I didn’t know about it. Plus, arena shows started getting too expensive and I hated spending that kind of money. I enjoyed clubs where it was smaller and I could enjoy the show more. Unfortunately I never heard of of Soundgarden, Audioslave or any of Chris’ solo shows coming around where I lived until last year. Soundgarden was playing in Somerset, WI. I really wanted to go, but things just weren’t going to work out. Being a grown up sometimes stinks. So I didn’t go. They played there 3 days before Chris died. I can’t even tell you how much I regret not figuring something out and just going.

No One Sings Like You Anymore

[Note: Originally posted on December 2, 2018 on Facebook]

I’ve been sitting on this for a few weeks now and I think it’s finished. It is a deeply personal painting for me, at least the journey in creating it was. This is my little tribute to Chris Cornell. It’s hard for me to explain how important a musician I’d never met was to me (staring contests don’t count, right?) From the first time I saw the video Hands All Over on Headbanger’s Ball in Cathy’s parent’s basement Chris Cornell and his various projects (Audioslave, Soundgarden, soundtracks and his solo career) have made an enormous impact on my life. He was an absolutely brilliant lyricist and made music that was profound that spoke to me and many others. (Do yourself a favor and listen to Just Like Suicide and dig up the story behind it). Yes, he was The Voice of a Generation, a leader of the Grunge Movement out of Seattle, but for those of us who’ve followed his career know just what a versatile artist he was.

And oh, the memories. I can hear a certain song and it brings back friends long gone, or just a moment of my life. His music has even helped me through some tough times in my life. Chris was a captivating frontman as well. I only got to see Soundgarden once, but that show still beats out almost all other bands I’ve seen.

I woke up early on May 18th to my friend Shelly’s text about his passing. It was a gut punch that I just couldn’t deal with at the time. (Some of you know that we’ve been going through some very difficult times, and continue to cope with. I will tell you I was in a pretty dark place last Spring). I was crying and breaking down over, well, everything. I’m sure if I even heard Big Dumb Sex I’d be sobbing.

It’s taken me awhile, but earlier this fall at a workday at school I decided that I actually wanted to listen to some Soundgarden. I put on this mix on YouTube and proceeded to clean out all those old books and magazines left in my art room from the previous teacher. I was actually bopping around, singing and overall enjoying myself, until one of Chris’ solo songs came on. It was When I’m Down, recorded live at the Troubadour, and just Chris and a piano. I just sat there and listened and lost it. It must have been quite the sight, me sitting on the floor surrounded by garbage, sobbing. I cried for Chris, for his kids, all the people who must have loved him. I cried for my family and most of all I cried for me. It was after that that this idea came to me, that I would do something.

Since starting this painting I’ve begun sketching again, for myself. (Sadly most of the art I have been doing the past few years has all been school related). It’s like the floodgates have been opened. I’ve got ideas for half a dozen paintings now. I’ve also been listening to music I enjoy, not just the the Pop music my daughter wants. I’ve even gone looking for new music. Needless to say this painting has brought on a healing process for me. Thank you Chris.